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Thursday, November 23, 2006

Another Story

Can We Take It?

Sitting by the lake, observing the evening sky change colors; birds chirp back home; people walk their days stress out, I think of the moments from my past. An old man I am, tired of life. For the first time I feel older than my age or rather tired for my age. Is it possible to accept hatred? Accept jealousy? Accept harsh words and taunts even after showing all the love that is available? But then I have promised to myself to remain the same for this relationship. I have nurtured it with care, correcting all the mistakes from past, taking care that I don’t repeat them. But then after being so nice and humble and so very caring, is it possible to bare the not so appealing attitude in return? Know not me.

I watch people walk around, some happy, some sad, some depressed, some worried, some thinking, some confused. And in between them I sit, by the lake, full of emotions. Sad, yet the tears just accumulating; they never fall out. That is the worst thing to happen, I wish I could shed the tears out and let it flow with all my sadness, but they deny and they win the battle to stay there; blotting the eyes or should I call it like a sponge waiting to be squeezed. Why is this dissatisfaction? I think; not once but several times? Suddenly I start feeling so helpless, so unworthy. As though I cannot meet the expectations set. And I am left with an awkward but familiar feeling that dampens your mind, senses and thoughts. And the question repeats - can one take these words, in return of so much love and care? But haven’t I promised myself to remain the same? And then I got to stick to them, isn’t it?

I am an old man with confused thoughts, tired expressions, yet I don’t show it and I hide them all. And then the time flies, as though nothing has happened. The hour’s repeat, moments re appear, events happen again. And I find myself again in same situation, no matter what I do or how I behave. And such act makes one to analyze people, which is the worst thing to happen in a relationship. One should never analyze partners and best friends; it does more bad than good.

I watch the old tree next to me, standing there, brave and strong, straight and happy. Beneath the tree on the ground lies leaves, flowers that had long left the tree, in spite of all the care and nurturing; in spite of all the distribution of the inputs. That’s the rule of nature, the flowers have to fade, and leaves have to change, fruits have to fall. Nothing is for permanent but “self”. I agree to this thought that had just occurred to me. And in spite of all this life goes on like the standing tree, until one day the tree has to be free, from all the leaves, all the flowers. Though it sounds very exciting, though it sounds very peaceful, one has to wait for it. Loneliness scares people, and thus we go on growing more leaves, sprouting more flowers and fruits.

Life is such a tiring journey and one has to live it till the end, happily and then no matter what is at the receiving end, I need to give all that I have and overcome the dissatisfaction that is bestowed. Only love can kill hatred. But then, one needs to be like this old tree, bold and straight in spite of all the flowers, leaves and fruits falling away one by one. Hopes to grow more; shelter plenty, keeps one going till that end.

Yes, The end: So peaceful yet terribly lonely.

5 comments:

  1. People say, expectations are the source of all misery. But according to me, man can never free himself from this and so his misery continues.

    Well Ajey, I dont know what made you write this or were you just writing about your current state of mind(i defnitely hope not), I personally have experienced something similar when I often fall short of my own expectation from myself. This is my biggest source of misery and also the greatest contributor to drive me and make me what I am today.
    So i guess it is a double edged sword. I guess we have to learn to live with it.

    Raghu

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  2. @Bharat - Thanks

    @ Raghu - Thanks for sharing your views. I agree to you, we need to learn from experiences and thats what helps us grow. This story is an outcome of one small thought, its an exageration of one short lived emotion. Expectations indeed are the source of all misery.

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  3. somehow i could relate to the whole description ...and We can take it ...isnt it..

    Expectations are indeed the source of misery ..sometimes our own ...at times expectations of people around also make the same impact ... not all trees grow same though they want to ... :)

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  4. @Reborn - Wow! Just can't guess how you can just relate to my writing so well. (I keep my articles in mystery all the time, is what people complain).

    You got it right, expectations are not only from us on others, but it is expectations that are set for us. And then we just have to move on saying that, if someone wants to accept you, let them accept as you are and not as they want you to be.

    Hope all trees grow the same way. :-)

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