Another Escape

I am in a crazy mood to scribble today. I have been thinking of writing a story or may be a poem, but can never make up time for it. Today, I have enough time to spend, so let me try to capture my state of mind since a few weeks.
Wow! What a relief it is to come out of that troubled re-occurence of events. How nice it is to feel good about having learnt a lesson from life’s experiences. So, to put together in a sentence, I was not in a perfect mood from past few weeks. Lot of questions arising, lots of troubled thoughts; lots of confused moments encountered. Even though I had all the quietness in the world (benefit of staying alone) I could not get a decent uneventful sleep, how does it matter when there is no quietness inside?

When some thing makes us dull, that is when events from the past reappear like ghosts and mix up with the present to make it worse. So I had to put it away, had to trust a pair of ears to let go, and found one too. I tried to dispose of some thoughts by talking. (How much ever was possible) So that’s how I got rid of the past. But what about the present? It’s right in front of me, facing me, looking at me every day. I have to deal with it positively and need to hold myself strong, so that I do not create mistakes done in the past.

Analysis of previous experience have always helped me a lot, they tell you how to treat re-occurring situations, or rather, how not to. Well after spending some time with myself, I feel so good to finally have fought my trauma. And now it feels like heaven. I am back to normal, of course not that anyone outside could even get a faintest glimpse of the confusion in my mind.

What I learnt, is that knowingly or unknowingly, I always tried to attach myself with the past. I tried to relate things happening currently with the events that had happened. And in that process, I failed to recognize “the new” in present; its beautiful side; the vibrant new colors; an innocence untouched; a caring smile and all I was doing was, finding my past in the present which for some reason I wasn’t letting go of. Today having learnt this, it feels so free and much better to say that I have escaped the Miasma again. All we need to do is learn from the past experiences, shape our present in an ideal way and not stick to it; not keep them stored behind the layer of consciousness. The solution is not in avoiding the present, solution is not in avoiding something nice and beautiful because of some bad past experiences despite knowing that this present will once turn into a past.

At this point I recall the dialogue from the movie "The Hours". (which i had also mentioned here)

“You can’t find peace by avoiding life, Leonard.”

Virginia Woolf says to her husband Leonard to describe her need to move to London.

And of course the ending note from VW again on life -

"To look life in the face, always to look life in the face and to know it for what it is and at last to know it, to love it for what it is and then… to put it away.”

I am sorry; I know I am not crystal clear. But this is the best I can reveal at this point.